This Jewish glossary (dictionary) of New Jewish Words and Concepts offers a collection of modern words and expressions along with information, definitions and other details used now.

A

AFIKOMMENTS n. Adult arguing that occurs as children search for hidden Passover matzo.

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B

BAGELA n. A gay Jewish baker.

BIALY ACHE n. The result of lunch at your mother's and dinner at your mother-in-law's.

BLINTZKRIEG n. A late-night assault on the refrigerator in search of leftovers even though "I won't be able to eat for a week!" Particularly common four to six hours after special-occasion gluttony.

Borscht A purple soup made from beets and ammonia. Often eaten by elderly Ashkenazic Jews who slurp noisily and have protruding nose hair. Which is helpful, because it stinks to high heaven.

BUBBEGUM n. Sweets one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

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C

CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's nappy.

Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Chalyera A derogatory term which best refers to a female business associate or a mother-in-law. The closest English equivalent is "bitch".

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D

DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face but not knowing exactly when.

DISKVELLIFIED or Dis-kvellified vb. To drop out of law school, medical school, or business school, as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. (In extreme cases, simply choosing to study art history when Irvine 's son, David, is studying biology, is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.)

DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

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E

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F

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel.

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G

Gefilte Fish A tasty mix of congealed fish parts and transparent slime jelly. The only food it is permissable for Jewish children to refuse. In some families, they may even be allowed to gag, but politely.

Goyim: People who are Gentile. A polite term for anyone who doesn't love a good bargain or has extra skin on his schmeckel.

Goyfer ( n.) A Gentile messenger.

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H

HEBORT vb. To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's Bar Mitzvah.

HEBRUTE n. Israeli after shave.

HINDSTEIN n. A Semitic smart-ass.

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I

IMPASTA n. Someone who eats leavened foods during Passover while maintaining he/she is observant.

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J

JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one's favourite celebrity is Jewish.

JEWDO n. A traditional form of self-defence based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.

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K

KINDERSCHLEP vb. To be called on to car pool more children than one has fingers, in a car that was made in Japan .

Kinders Shlep (v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.

K'naidlach Also referred to as matzoh balls. Made with styrofoam and sponges. There isn't a laxative in the world strong enough to counteract them

Kein-a-hura (Kin a hora) - A gleeful rejoice used when Jewish parents find out their daughter is going to marry the Jewish surgeon.

Koorveh - A call-girl, or prostitute. A reference to the Russian Czar's wife at the turn of the 20th Century, and to that flashy shiksa your nephew married. Also known as Nafkeh.

Kugel - A yummy blend of overcooked noodles, raisins, and curds of ripe cheese. Not fun to look at. When feathered with sour cream makes an excellent artery hardener.

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L

Latkes: - Potato pancakes fried in castor oil and lightly seasoned with balsa wood? Smells like old boxer shorts.

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M

MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that are as good as mother used to make.

MATZILATION n. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

MEINSTEIN slang. "My son, the genius."

MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths to find a tenth person to complete a minyan.

MISHPOCHAMARKS or Mishpochadotsn. The assorted lipstick and makeup stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

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N

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O

Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

OYVAYSMEAR - What one says when the cream cheese squeezes out of the bagel and falls on your clean pants.

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P

Putz - The male reproductive member, primarily used for urinating and solitary amusement. Larger than a schmeckel. Similar to a schmuck. A common term for male in-laws.

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Q

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R

RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from Leyton to Edgware and finding all your old neighbours live in the same road as you.

Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na ( n.) A rock 'n roll band from Jewish Brooklyn.

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S

SANTASHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for when they celebrate Hanukkah while the rest of humanity celebrates Christmas.

SCHLERM n. The wrinkled end of a Blooms salami.

Schmuck - > Yet another term for the male member, most often used to describe a man with an attitude of arrogant stupidity. Nice logic there, if you think about it. A common term for former male in-laws and business partners.

SCHMUCKLUCK n. Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

SHOFARSOGUT n. The relief you feel when after many attempts the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Schmendrick - A man who messes things up, always loses and feels miserable. Closely related to Schlemazel and Schlemiel. Every Jewish family has at least one, often named Irving.

Schlemiel - A jerk who can't do anything right. In simple terms, someone who's always spilling his soup.

Schlemazel - The poor dumb putz that a Schlemiel is always spilling soup on.

Schmeckel A guy with a small putz. A nothing. Usually your ex-partner or ex-son-in-law.

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T

Tattalah An endearing term of love which means "little man." An emasculating term for women to call men, if you think about it. But who has time to think.

TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

TRAYFFIC ACCIDENT n. An appetiser one finds out has pork in it after one has eaten it.

Tsuris. A Yiddish term meaning nuisance or annoyance.

Tsuris - A word referring to all problems, trouble, grief, aggravation and heartache. Examples: daughter pregnant
with child of an unemployed Catholic bartender, adult son loses job and moves back home.
Major Tsuris: Daughter and baby "Bridget" move back home too.

Tsuris - A word referring to all problems, trouble, grief, aggravation and heartache. Examples: daughter pregnant with child of an unemployed Catholic bartender, adult son loses job and moves back home.

Major Tsuris: - Daughter and baby "Bridget" move back home too.

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U

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V

Vay iz meer An expression which closely resembles "Woe is Me,"and is cried out by Jewish mothers every 15 minutes. An anthem of true suffering.

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W

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X

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Y

YENTILITY n. A deceptively sweet manner used to extract information. Key phrases include "Trust me", "Your secret is safe with me," and "If you can't tell me, who can you tell?"

YIDENTIFY vb. To be able to determine ethnic origins of celebrities even though their names might be St. John , Curtis, Davis, or Taylor

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Z

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